Women… most, if not all, give way too much and place ourselves last. We give ourselves emotionally, financially, mentally and even physically to men, women, children and a career. Only to be confronted at the end of the day with piled up resentment and little energy left for ourselves.
Well if that’s not frustrating, I don’t know what is. For years, I have eagerly given these precious items away to those who “needed” them. I am really good at helping other succeed. So I have I pointed many people in the right direction, resolved numerous arguments, spent money on books and organized careers of those around me.
For what? Absolutely nothing. I did it because I thought I had to help others whom I loved and cared for. I did it because I knew that I could make a big difference. I did it because I was so used to others taking number one priority in my own life that I forgot I had a say. Just because I am a responsible human being, doesn’t mean I have to be responsible for everyone around me who seem unable to get their s**t together. Do I hear an AMEN!
Currently, I am discovering the value of my own time, I only focus now on using my time for answering some comments about sample tests that I wrote for GED practice and on my own energy, and on my own creativity. I have dreams, that if I only exerted the same amount of energy, time, and finances that I had with others, I could see fulfilled immediately. So this year is being dedicated to just that. This year is all about ME.
No more answering personal calls while I am working on my goals. No more dropping my to-do lists, in order to be there for another person. No more worrying if people understand why I’m pursuing my Master’s degree (they wouldn’t get the difference between a Master’s and a Ph.D. anyway I guess). No more running around like a maniac just so I live up to others expectations. No more worrying what others may think of this new way of living because after all this is MY Life, not anyone else’s.
Let’s get down to the basics. Here is how I intended to put myself first in my own life:
1) Turning the phone off, or put it away while working on me. The cell phone is the gateway for distractions and codependency, especially when you’re learning hard to get, for example, a Nursing degree. If it is out of sight, it is out of mind. When I have set phone dates or other expected calls it is okay to have it out, otherwise, bu-bye phone
2) For each event, request, or invitation I will ask myself, If I say yes to this am I saying no to myself somewhere else. Am I saying yes to picking someone up from the airport by saying no to my writing time? Or am I saying yes to going out to dinner by saying no to saving up for my dream sofa? These situations don’t work for me anymore. I have to say yes completely. Like, yes I want to go for a walk with you because I really want the fresh air and company.
3) Looking at other areas where I waste energy. Okay, obviously phone calls and text messages are the big ones, doing other people’s mental chores (figuring out their problem and solutions) are another. But I also waste energy checking emails, surfing the web for hours, not organizing my own daily routines, and not getting ready for my online Bachelor’s degree and set out to beat the competition! Being more efficient might be a better idea for me. For instance, in the morning meditate what needs to be done for the day, write down an action plan for how I would like to achieve each goal, and set aside mini breaks of timed fun. Meaning I can surf the web for 15-minute intervals instead of three hours.
4) Socialize when the time is right for me. I love my friend and family. I really appreciate the time I have with them, and to make it even more beneficial I will be interacting with them when it is appropriate for me. The great part is that those who love me as well, will understand my boundaries, know when I’m studying (though online studying is really not for everyone, and will be more than happy to comply.
I highly recommend taking this year and making it all about you as well. Make sure you are number one in your own life. Say no when you feel like your being overlooked, or pulled in too many directions. You have every right to thrive and achieve your dreams, you are worth it.